Where did you get a picture of my penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need Xanax blowdarts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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