so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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