Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
