pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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