I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize