I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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