He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
