I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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