I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
