first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
