No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
