my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This toilet bowl is my home.
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