I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
