If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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