I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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