Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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