i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
