I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize