umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
