didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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