and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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