He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
