seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
