sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
