Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize