biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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