Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
sex in a hospital.. check
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
