whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Farmville is her only friend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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