i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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