The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
