I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
