dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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