Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
