I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
