Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
