Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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