Ketchup is God's man juice
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
