Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
