i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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