Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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