anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
