I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
