i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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