Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
