Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
