Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
