Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
