I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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