I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
