What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
