its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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