Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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