She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
