He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
