Whod you bang
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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