just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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