Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
