Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
