You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
