New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
