East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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