What a fucking waste of an outfit
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We are all done wearing pants today
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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