Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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