she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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