Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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