so that wasnt chicken after all
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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