He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
