So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
