Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
