I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
