i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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