So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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