Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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