we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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