thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
